


Take This Night

by deluxemycroft



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abortion, Angst, Blood Drinking, Bottom Sam, Discussion of Abortion, Fluff, M/M, Male Pregnancy, Mpreg, Vampires, a lot of pet names, sambenny - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-30
Updated: 2015-01-13
Packaged: 2018-02-23 04:57:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2534969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deluxemycroft/pseuds/deluxemycroft
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam is pregnant. Everything falls apart from there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Signs and Symptoms

Sam couldn't pinpoint when it started. He spent two weeks waking up every morning with the taste of vomit in his mouth before noticing a pattern. He never actually managed to throw up but he spent a good hour or two feeling like he had spent a while on a boat in the middle of a hurricane. Benny had noticed the first day and somehow managed to cook Sam the only food that didn't make him feel like he was going to fall over with nausea. Sam hadn't paid much attention to Benny feeding him--the vampire cooked nearly all of the meals Sam and Dean ate other than takeout and diner food--but when Benny had started getting out of bed earlier and making a wider variety of dishes, Sam had taken note. There were more boxes of cereal and oatmeal and gruel in the bunker's kitchen than Sam even knew what to do with, and different kinds of cheese and eggs and crepe and pancake mixtures and different kinds of bread and jellies and jams and enough food to feed Dean for a week.

Sam had been overwhelmed by Benny for a long time. When he had first stayed with them after he and Sam had met the first time, Sam had carried a machete on his belt for a month, no matter where he went. Dean had acted like Sam being wary of a literal vampire was some kind of personal insult, but Sam had spent most of the time quiet and tucked away in the library. It had taken nearly two weeks for Benny to peek his head into the library and ask Sam if he wanted a plate of sweet potato hash and cream biscuits.

It had taken a lot out of Sam to nod. He knew Dean trusted Benny, but he didn't think that meant a lot when it came to Dean and monsters. Dean had killed vampires. Sam had killed vampires. He didn't know how Benny could trust them. All Sam could think about was that Dean had promised him he wouldn't go after Amy Pond, even though she'd sworn that hunting was only for her sick son, and Dean had ended up killing her. Why was Benny so different? He knew Dean operated on his own set of rules and held Sam to another, but knowing was different than understanding.

Benny had sat down next to him and pushed a massive plate of food towards Sam, and casually asked about what Sam was reading while Sam ate half the plate. It had been the first time Sam had ever truly relaxed in Benny's presence. Somehow, that had matured and morphed into Sam falling in love with the vampire.

Sam pressed his sweating forehead against the cool porcelain of the toilet and pressed his hand to his stomach. His nipples had been aching the past few days and it felt like his breast tissue was sore. His entire body felt tight and uncomfortable and he felt like the room was trying to turn itself upside down around him. He hadn't pooped in three days and it felt like he had been getting up to pee every hour the night before. He was exhausted from being up for an hour.

He wanted Benny.

Sam finally flushed the toilet and pulled himself to his feet. He stared at the toilet for a minute before turning around to lean over the sink. He hit the cold water and closed his eyes, chin hitting his chest.

A hand landed on his lower back and Sam was too tired to do much more than flinch. Thick fingers pushed up his t-shirt and were cool against the heat of his back. Sam straightened up and pushed his wrists under the cool water before leaning back against the vampire. A strong arm wrapped around his waist and palmed his stomach.

"You ain't lookin' so good, sugar."

Sam nodded and wiped his hands on the washcloth Benny handed him. He shut off the water and replied, "I think I caught some bug. I'll be fine though. Just gotta--"

"You don't gotta do nothing, Sam. I'm gonna put you to bed and bring you some soup and tea. You want chicken or beef?" Benny kept on a soothing one-sided conversation about the process of making creamy spinach soup while bringing Sam to bed and slowly undressing him. He pressed a kiss to Sam's stomach before carefully laying the human down and pulling a sheet over him. "I"ll be back in just a minute."

Sam caught Benny's hand before he got away. "Dean's looking into a hunt, he wanted--"

Sam looked up as Benny leaned over him and then carefully got to his knees next to the bed. "Sam. Sweetheart. Dean can manage without you for a day or two. Can't imagine he'll go on a hunt without you, and if he does, he'll be fine. Only thing you need to focus on is stayin' healthy."

Sam nodded and pulled Benny's hand to his mouth to press a kiss to the vampire's palm. "Thank you," he whispered, and turned his head into the pillow. He was asleep before Benny got back to his feet.

//

It took a week for Sam to be able to get out of bed without needing to take two naps a day and spending half his time curled around a toilet. The time he spent nauseous dropped down to about an hour a day, and Sam spent that time with the toilet and Benny's arm around his waist. He hadn't seen much of Dean other than waking up once or twice with Dean on his laptop on the bed next to him. Dean used to sleep with him when he was sick, but hadn't done it in a long time. Sam had even woken up once with Dean's hand stroking through his hair, his head on Dean's lap. It had been more than awhile since he and Dean had really gotten along well enough to comfort one another like they used to. Sam missed his brother.

Sam woke up one morning feeling rested for the first time in over a month. He didn't think he had been actively sick, he'd just been so tired and inconsistently nauseous that he couldn't get out of bed. He took a long shower and went back into the bedroom to get dressed, pulling on a pair of boots and borrowing one of Benny's henleys. Benny was shorter than him but just about as broad, and the fabric stretched out quickly enough that Sam was comfortable in the vampire's shirts.

He made his way to the kitchen to see Benny pouring himself a glass of blood and reading a big, coverless book. Benny winked at him and pulled a chair out for Sam and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Nice to see you vertical, sweetheart."

Sam grinned and looked down at the covered plate Benny slid in front of him. "Nice to see you at all, Benny. Where's Dean?"

"Asleep. It is about four in the mornin'. He'll be happy you're movin'. Boy's not really fond of you being sick." Benny uncovered the plate with a flourish and Sam smiled up at him. He loved Benny's biscuits. For a vampire that hadn't eaten food in over 50 years, Benny had never made a bad dish, even with Sam's discerning tastes. Dean enjoyed most of what Benny made as well, given that Benny was happy to make him greasy burgers and steaks. The vampire just enjoyed cooking.

"Dean got any plans for the day?"

Benny sat down across from Sam and frowned at him, motioning to Sam's plate. Sam started eating but kept his eyes on the vampire. "Don't think Dean's plans matter much right now. You want to do somethin'? I can take you out to dinner or somethin'."

Sam felt the blush travel up his chest and stain his cheeks. Last person who had taken him out on a date had been Jess. He barely remembered what it was like. He'd probably mess it up or somehow hurt Benny or attract demonic attention. Dean didn't really take him out anymore unless they had a case. "Are--are you sure? I'm not sure if--what if--will Dean be okay with us leaving?"

Benny took a swallow of blood and looked at Sam for a good long minute. "I'm not partial to concernin' myself with what Dean wants, sweetheart. I'm partial to what you want."

"But Dean--"

"Dean is a grown man. So are you. If he can't handle you takin' this old vampire to a movie for a couple hours, then maybe you two gotta lot more problems than I realize."

Sam nodded and grabbed hold of Benny's hand when he reached it across the table. He still wasn't certain that Dean would be fine with it, but his brother could deal. He gave Sam enough crap about his relationship with Benny anyway. Dean liked acting as if everyone else's personal business was his own business, as if he was the only one who could have secrets or friends outside the two of them.

It took Sam a long time to trust Dean's motivations for keeping Benny around. It took a long time nowadays for Sam to trust Dean's motivations for anything. He loved his brother and he'd spend another 5000 years with Lucifer for Dean, but that didn't mean he necessarily trusted his brother. Dean would sacrifice everything to save him but he'd still try to make Sam feel guilty for not immediately trusting a vampire.

The two of them sat in the kitchen for a few more hours, Benny reading through his book and occasionally getting up to get Sam a mug of tea or to pour more blood into his glass. Sam spent most of the time trying to think of reasons he and Benny should stay in the bunker, and watching the vampire's strong hands and arms. Dean finally dragged himself in and glared at the coffee maker for a minute before realizing Sam was at the table.

"Sammy! Thought you were gonna meld with that damn bed. High time you got outta it." Dean clapped Sam on the shoulder and took the seat next to him, their shoulders brushing. Benny rolled his eyes and shut his book, leaning back in his chair and taking another sip of blood. "So, I found a hunt in Pennsylvania--"

"No, Dean. Not today. I was stuck in bed for a week; I'm not gonna jump straight back into hunting. And Benny wants to go see a movie."

Dean grinned at the vampire. "What you thinking? One of the Twilight movies is--"

Sam grit his teeth but didn't say anything. Dean and Benny had been friends first and it wasn't his place to get between them. Dean was volatile at the best of times, and completely lost it when he thought something or someone was being taken away from him. If Dean wanted to spend the day with Benny, especially since Sam had monopolized everyone's attention being stuck in bed all week, then Sam didn't have any right to stop them.

Benny snorted. "Naw, brother. Sam an' I are gonna have a proper date night. Spent enough time with you."

Dean had the gall to look offended for a moment before draining his coffee and standing up. "Well if that's what it takes for little Sammy to put out, then you do what you gotta do, Benny. You need the impala?"

Benny didn't look so amused anymore and Sam felt sick to his stomach. What was Dean trying to accomplish? Had Benny told Dean their sex life wasn't adequate? Was he not good enough in bed? They only had sex once or twice a week; was that not enough for Benny? Wouldn't he have told Sam if he wanted more? Sam had a low libido and Benny knew that, but what if he wasn't enough?

"We'll take my truck." Benny's voice was harsh and clipped and Dean rolled his eyes at them and stomped out of the room. Benny leaned forward and grabbed Sam's hand. "Sweetheart, y'know he didn't mean nothing by that, right? What we got goin' on is perfect."

Sam nodded, but he wasn't convinced. "If...if we're having problems, you'd tell me, right?"

"Within the minute, sweetheart. I promise." Benny pressed a kiss to Sam's knuckles and gently pulled the human to his feet. "Let's go clean you up. Wanna stop by the bookstore and buy you a couple books before the movie."

Ten minutes later, Sam was debating the pros and cons of having someone wash his hair for him. Dean used to give him baths when he was younger and used to give Sam miniature scalp massages while rubbing the shampoo in. They even used to take baths together to conserve water when they both had been really young, but Dean had arbitrarily decided one day that he was too grown up to be bathing with his little brother and had put a stop to it. Sam had understood but there was a lot about Dean he missed.

Benny tilted Sam's head back under the shower spray and pulled Sam up against his chest. He pressed his face into Sam's neck and stayed there for a minute.

"You can smell me even with the water?"

"Anythin' that smells as good as you can't be washed away," Benny replied, and pressed a kiss to the bottom of Sam's jaw before picking up the conditioner. "Smell even sweeter now that you're...well, y'know. Better."

There was something that Benny wasn't telling him but Sam decided to let it go. He leaned into the vampire and wrapped his arms around Benny's shoulders, closing his eyes as Benny massaged the conditioner into his hair. One of Benny's hands rested on his stomach for a moment before wrapping around his hip and pulling the two of them flush.

//

Sam found himself in the pregnancy section. Benny had told him to look around while he went up the street to get Sam a fancy, expensive cup of coffee, and Sam had glanced at a couple dog books and the self-help section before stopping at the sight of a book cover with a woman holding her heavily pregnant stomach. Sam pressed a hand to his own stomach and focused his attention on the books.

There was--

Impossible. He wasn't. He'd never even heard of male pregnancy--but. No.

There was a slim black volume with the title Male Pregnancy printed across the spine and the cover. Sam carefully pulled it out and stared at it for a good few minutes before opening it to the contents. Chapter one, signs and symptoms.

He couldn't be pregnant. He and Benny didn't use protection but still, they were both men, there was no possible way for him to be pregnant. How would it even work? Had he grown a uterus? Where would the baby come out? Would--would he be able to breastfeed?

What would Dean think?

Sam knew Benny had already had a child. He'd mentioned something about his granddaughter living in Louisiana, but Benny had never brought up having another kid. Well, why would he? They didn't think that Sam would be able to get pregnant, because who would have? 

Sam focused his attention on the page and read the list of symptoms. Nauesea, vomiting, breast and nipple tenderness, constipation, excessive urination, fatigue...it went on and on. He felt sick. It was no real indication of if he was pregnant or not but it felt--

Benny had been kissing his stomach quite frequently lately. Had he known? Had Benny known and not told him? How could he? How could Benny know he was--he was pregnant and not tell him? 

The entire room swam and Sam's vision blanked out for a moment. He grabbed onto the bookshelf and squeezed his eyes shut and crumpled the book up in his hand. He took a few deep breaths and tried to steady himself. He couldn't do this.

There was no way Sam could have a child. He and Benny had been together for all of six months tops, and while they did have a permanent home at the bunker, there was no telling how long that would last. Dean still wanted to hunt. Sam couldn't raise a kid. He was messed up enough on his own; god only knew how much he'd mess a child up. With his history, he'd end up raising someone who would bring Lucifer back. He couldn't bring a child into the world with his past. He had a tainted bloodline as it was; no innocent child deserved to have that legacy.

Sam couldn't bring a child into the world with his name attached, his blood in their system. And Benny was a vampire. Would he be birthing a vampire, or some kind of half-vampire child? He couldn't do this without knowing exactly what kind of child he would be birthing.

Sam pressed his hand to his stomach and opened his eyes when a cool hand laced fingers with his own. It took him a minute to gather himself enough to open his eyes. Benny held out a cup of coffee and untangled his hand from Sam's to cup the back of Sam's neck.

"Sweetheart," Benny breathed, and Sam couldn't bear the sight of him.

"You knew?"

Benny nodded.

Sam tasted the coffee and winced. He could smell that it was his usual cinnamon vanilla caramel latte but it tasted like carpet. He set it on the bookshelf and looked at his boyfriend. They weren't ready for this. Sam wasn't ready for this.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I figured you wouldn't believe me, sweetheart. Wanted you to find out on your own."

"How far along am I?" Sam couldn't stop himself from pressing his hand to his stomach. He had a child, his child, growing in there. God, he couldn't do this. "Never mind, I don't care. I'm not keeping it."

Benny actually looked surprised. "You're--you want an abortion?"

Sam nodded. "I can't bring a child into this world, Benny. I can't hunt with a baby. Dean will--I don't want Dean--I can't have a baby, Benny. We've only been together for six months. I'll think about it some more but I want an abortion."

Benny reached up and pressed his mouth to Sam's. "Your choice, sweetheart. I'll support you no matter what."

"If...I might think about it again. Maybe a couple years down the line?"

Benny smiled and Sam tried to smile back. "As you wish."


	2. Risks and Rewards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's a misogynistic slur or two in this chapter. its not meant as what the character believes, but as a way to anger an antagonist. also, dean can be a jerk.

Sam was nearly three months along when he went to the clinic. He'd woken up a few days before and looked at himself in the mirror and noticed he could no longer see his abs. He had a very small baby bump, the perfect size to fit in his palm. It'd taken him a few minutes to stop looking at the alien lump on his usually defined stomach. It made him want to curl into a ball and hide under the covers and never come out.

He hadn't told Dean. He didn't think he could. How was he supposed to tell his big brother he was pregnant? Did Dean even know if men could get pregnant?

Benny hadn't mentioned the pregnancy since Sam had decided to get an abortion. Sam had woken up a few times to feel Benny's hand on his stomach, but it had only happened while he was asleep. Sam didn't want to think about it too much.

Dean knew something was up between them and awkwardly brought it up a couple times but had eventually just decided to ignore it. Sam had been having slight mood swings where he became passive and sequestered himself in his room, or recalcitrant and even trying to start fights with Benny. He and Benny hadn't fought once in their entire relationship; they had had one or two minor tiffs, but those had been about silly things. Sam didn't even remember the topics he and Benny had argued over. He remembered just about every argument he and Dean had, though, if that meant anything.

He wished he had brought Benny with him to the clinic, but Sam took a deep breath and curled his hands into fists and balled them up in his sleeves. He survived Lucifer, he could survive this. He could--he could kill a baby. He could kill his baby.

Sam rubbed at his chest and looked up when the receptionist called his name. He could kill Benny's baby. He could do this.

He wanted Benny, but he'd asked the vampire to stay back at the bunker with Dean.

Sam took another deep breath and followed a nurse back to a small examination room. He assumed she told him that the doctor would be with him shortly but was too lost in thought. Sam rubbed at his thighs and slipped his hand underneath his flannel to cup his stomach.

His baby.

He'd gone through every situation possible. He couldn't be without Dean any more than he could live without lungs, and Dean wouldn't stop hunting for him. There wasn't anyway Dean would support this baby. He knew Benny would support any decision he made. He'd been worried at first about Benny's reaction, but after calming down and Benny's assurance that he would support the abortion, he managed to think it through. Benny was more supportive than Sam's own mind.

He was even more supportive and caring than Jess had been, and she was one of the last people Sam remembered complimenting Sam for his own merits. Dean liked to do the opposite; he liked to take things Sam had done to try and help other people and twist them into something negative, something that Sam had done intentionally to harm other people. Take Ruby manipulating him and nearly rap--assaulting him and drugging him with demon blood and deceived him into releasing Lucifer. Or blaming him for Cas pulling him out of the cage soulless. Or for Cas breaking the wall Death had put up. No matter what Sam did or what happened to him, it was always his fault.

5000 years with Lucifer would never be penance enough, not in Dean's eyes.

Some days, Sam didn't know how he was still standing. Benny helped, but there was only so much he could do.

Someone knocked on the door and Sam looked up to see a young white man with bright blue hair twisted up in a bun at the back of his head and clad in green scrubs walk into the room. He smiled at Sam and held out his hand. "I'm Dr. Myers. I understand you're here for a termination consultation?"

Sam somehow managed to get to his feet and shake the doctor's hand, introducing himself with his real name. "And yes. I'm--I'm still not entirely sure, but I think I want an abortion. It--the baby was an accident. We're not in a place where we can have a child right now. We're just not stable enough."

Myers nodded understandingly and glanced through Sam's file. They both took a seat and Myers took out a pen and jotted down a couple notes. "I understand completely, Mr. Winchester. Everyone has their reasons for terminating, and they are all valid. Now, have you been pregnant before?"

"Call me Sam, please, and no. I didn't even know it was possible, and I've mostly been with women. Other than a few times." Sam twisted his fingers together and ignored his phone beeping in his pocket. "I just don't think I have any other choice."

"Completely understandable, Sam. Now, this is just a consultation. We need to go through your medical history, get an ultrasound, and discuss your options. Is there anyone else you want here? If the other father is in the picture, you may find it beneficial to have him here."

Sam nodded and pulled his phone out of his pocket. Text message from Dean. He didn't look at it before looking back up at Myers. "He's in the picture but I don't think he wants to be here."

Myers just smiled. "Now, we need to schedule an ultrasound appointment. You can do that through the receptionist once we're finished. We can go over your medical history now and I'll send you home with a few pamphlets on your various options. Now, have you broken any bones?"

//

Myers hadn't looked at Sam once he had finished with his history. It'd taken almost an hour for Sam to detail some of the concussions and head injuries and broken and fractured bones and sprained wrists and dislocated shoulders and knees he'd had. Sam hadn't described half of what to him, and especially none of the sexual things. If he was ever going to talk about any of that with someone, it would be Benny.

The text from Dean had been asking if he was picking up dinner. Sam sent back a yes and called Benny as he fished the impala's keys out of his pocket.

"How'd it go, sweetheart?" Benny greeted. "Dean wants to know if you're getting him extra onions and if you don't, he'll tell me about what you--brother, I know that was you. I remember you tellin' me about that in purgatory. Honey, don't you get him any onions. And no pie, neither. Get the boy a salad."

Sam found himself smiling as he slid behind the wheel and started the engine. "I'll get him his onions. He's not the one I'm sleeping with."

Benny snorted. "You never answered my question."

"Fine. Asked me about my medical history and gave me a booklet on other options. I'm still set on this, Benny. I'm not changing my mind."

Benny muttered something to Dean and there was the sound of Dean complaining about something before Benny grumbled, "Good riddance," just as Sam pulled out of the parking lot. "I ain't expectin' you to change your mind. And if you do, then I support you either way. You know that right, sweetheart?"

Sam smiled. "You know I love you, right?"

"Sweetheart, of course I do. And you know I've spent my whole life lookin' for someone to love as much as I love you."

Sam ended up getting Dean three burgers with extra onions and an entire cherry pie.

//

Benny turned his old truck into the clinic parking lot three days later and killed the engine. Sam turned in his seat to look at the vampire and caught one of Benny's hands in his own. They both looked at each other for a minute before Benny said, "If you don't want me to come, that's fine. If you want me to come in, that's fine too. However you're feelin' is fine, sweetheart."

Sam didn't say anything for a minute, just examined the way Benny's fingers felt like they fit so well between his own. "They're going to do an ultrasound today. Common procedure, to see how the fetus is developing to figure out how far along I am. I think I'm about three months but I could be wrong. I think...I think I want you to come."

Benny nodded and put the truck keys in his coat pocket. He grabbed his hat off the dashboard and snugged it down on his head before looking over at Sam. Sam took a few deep breaths and got out of the truck, looking up at the clinic like it was his last hope. Benny leaned against the front of his truck as Sam gathered himself.

"In a couple years, I want to try again. I want to have your baby, Benny. I want Dean to be an uncle. I want to live in a small house in some no-name town, just the three of us with a baby on the way. I want Dean to have a home. I want to be safe."

Benny nodded and quietly agreed. There were few things he wanted more than to spend the rest of Sam's life with him.

They stood in silence for a couple minutes before Benny asked, "You ready, sweetheart?"

Sam shook his head and took Benny's hand. Benny stepped up next to Sam and the taller human leaned into his side. Sam didn't want to do this. How could he go in there knowing he was going to see his child alive inside of him and make the decision to kill it? He knew, logically, that the fetus inside of him wasn't a person yet. It was still a barely-human shaped mass of cells. It wasn't a child, it was something that was living off him and sucking away his sense of self little by little.

"You ready?" Benny asked again.

Sam nodded, and Benny followed him inside.

//

After the ultrasound, Sam made the final termination appointment for a week later. He wanted the weekend to finish up a hunt he and Dean had been working on, and Sam figured he would need a few days to recover from the abortion. Benny promised to tell Dean he was just sick and would do his best to keep Dean away from him until he was better. Sam figured Dean wouldn't stay away, but he appreciated Benny's pledge to try.

Dean didn't take well to other people touching his things.

They went back to the bunker, Sam waving off the salad Dean tried to give him as he headed towards the library. Dean shoved the salad off on Benny and glared at him. "Sammy won't tell me what's going on because he's a secretive little prick, but if there's something hurting him, I need to know, Benny. I can't keep pushing him away when something's hurting him."

Benny looked at Dean for a long time. Somewhere along the way, Sam had become a lot more important to him than Dean. He would still do just about anything for Dean, hell he'd let the human kill him again, but Benny knew he'd go even further for Sam. The thing was, he didn't know if Dean knew that or not.

"Not my place to say, brother. If Sam wants to tell you, then he'll tell you. Not betraying his confidence like that."

It took Dean a long while to look at him. Benny could hear him swallow. "He's not--there's nothing--is he gonna be okay?"

"Sam is just fine, brother. You just leave him to me."

Dean was shaking his head before Benny finished his sentence. "I can't do that. Sammy's my responsibility. I gotta watch out for him."

Benny pulled his hat off and twisted the brim around in his hands. "I understand that, brother, but he's a grown man. Sam needs to have things in his life that don't involve you."

Benny watched out of the corner of his eye as Dean rubbed his chin and frowned. The human looked honestly confused, as if he had never considered Sam being a separate person. "But...he's my brother, Benny. I can't just sit around and watch him hurt. I gotta know what's wrong and I gotta fix it."

The vampire took a minute to choose his words carefully. Dean looked completely frustrated and concerned for his brother, and Benny knew that they both had a strange, overly codependent relationship, but that didn't mean that Sam couldn't have things away from Dean. "Unless Sam has asked you to fix it, Dean, you don't gotta do nothin'. He'll ask for your help if he needs it. But he's gotta do some things on his own. This is one of them."

To Benny's surprise, Dean didn't blow up or write off what he was saying. The human took a long look at him and slowly nodded. "I'm gonna trust you on this, Benny. I know I haven't done right by Sammy his whole life, and if you say he needs me to stay out of this, then I'll stay out of it. But if it turns out he needs me and you're not lettin' him get to me, I'll rip your damn lungs out and use them to chop off your head. You understand me?"

Benny just smiled and patted Dean's back. "I ain't expectin' any less, brother. If I ever hurt Sam, I'll ask you to do it."

"Just as long as we're on the same page," Dean replied, his voice dark, and then he left Benny to go check on Sam. Benny went to the kitchen to start on dinner for the brothers and to dig up a bag of blood for himself after tossing the salad Dean had given him for Sam in the trash. Sam deserved better than what Dean thought was salad. He was running low on blood and would need to get more before the hunt this weekend, but that could be handled later.

Sam sometimes let Benny drink from him, but it was rare. Sam had told him before that he used to be addicted to demon blood and that sometimes seeing Benny drink from him reminded him of that. Sam had never really explained his relationship with Ruby, or a lot of other things that Benny knew had happened to him, but Benny didn't really need an explanation, especially not until Sam was ready to give him one. He had a good understanding of the basics of what Sam had experienced just from the way Sam reacted to a lot of things. He flinched and near jumped out of his skin at unexpected contact, would occasionally sleep on the floor if he'd had a bad day, and sometimes would burrow so deep in Benny's arms that the vampire would feel like Sam wanted them to meld together. Sam had been through a lot more than Benny could probably understand, but he knew he'd stand behind his human no matter what.

He'd spent a long time just trying to survive the day. Benny was no longer in the kind of mindset that purgatory had instilled in him. Dean had told him about how pure he thought purgatory had been, and Benny had respected that at first, but once he had started living amongst humans again, he had realized just how twisted of a view it really was.

There was more to life than killing other things to keep yourself alive. He knew that part of being a vampire was using the life-force and blood of another creature to keep himself sustained, but that didn't have to be the only way to stay alive. He could drink blood and be in love, and not kill anything while he was at it. 

Benny found himself whistling while he cooked. He hadn't done that in a long time. Usually he only did it while he killed.

//

For once, both Sam and Dean were in agreement about the hunt. They were in accordance about the house in question being haunted by a cluster of death echoes that had been killed there a few years back by a serial killer. However, all of the bodies had been cremated, and Sam wanted to wait until the next morning to search the house and grounds to find if the ghosts were holding onto something, but Dean wanted to go immediately so they could head back to the bunker as soon as possible.

Benny was relaxed back on his and Sam's bed, sipping at a water bottle full of blood and looking through a pamphlet about some fancy phone Sam had had his eye on for awhile. He looked up at Sam's exasperated sigh and swung his legs over the side when Sam looked over at him. Dean slammed the door behind him as he stomped out to glower at the impala, and Benny frowned.

"Goin' tonight then?"

Sam nodded and twisted his hands, briefly caressing his stomach before striding over to sit next to Benny. "You don't have to come if you don't want. It'll probably just be a lot of--"

"Sweetheart, I didn't come along to babysit. I came to help, an' you know that. I got a lot more stamina and endurance than you." He smirked and leaned over to rub his beard against Sam's neck, grinning as he smelled Sam blush. "Dean's probably gonna need an hour or so to cool off, wanna let me show you how much more stamina I got, sweetheart?"

Sam carefully set Benny's blood bottle on the nightstand and looked softly at the vampire for a long minute before pressing their mouths together. Benny felt Sam's lips curve into a smile around his own and laid back on the pillows, pulling Sam on top of him.

Dean came back 45 minutes later and opened the door to find Sam asleep in Benny's arms underneath the covers. He rolled his eyes and kicked the door shut behind him, wrinkling his nose as he dropped a six-pack on the table and opened a window.

"At least give a guy some warning," he grumbled, rolling his eyes at Benny's contented chuckle.

"Gave him a bunch of warning, brother, and he--"

Dean spun around and grabbed the closest thing he could find and threw it at the vampire. Benny caught the half-used motel notepad easily and set it on the nightstand, grinning smugly up at the human.

Dean glared at Benny for a minute before shaking his head and toeing off his boots. "Guess we're going in the morning again," he grumbled, and dropped back onto his own bed. "You owe me."

"Whatever you say, brother."

Dean went into the bathroom a few minutes later and when he came out, he paused in the doorway, eyes falling on his brother and the vampire curled together in the middle of the bed, fast asleep. Sam's head was tucked beneath Benny's chin, the vampire's nose buried in Sam's wild mass of hair, and their hands were tangled together on top of the nasty comforter. 

Dean had had a lot of second thoughts about being okay with Benny and Sam doing whatever they were doing. They had started out real slow, with Benny calling Sam pet names and Sam blushing whenever the vampire walked into the room, like he was back in elementary school with his first crush. Benny had started adding special treats for Sam whenever he made dinner, even if it was something ridiculous like carving his meatballs into hearts. It was the worst thing Dean had ever watched, and Sam had been so unbelievably wooed that it had just blown Dean away. He couldn't pinpoint exactly when they had started sleeping together, but Dean had definitely given Benny a long talk about not hurting his little brother and then had gone and made as many jokes as he could about Sam's deadly dick.

Sam hadn't looked him in the eye for a long time after that.

They were good now, though, Dean thought. He and Sammy were on the same level and Benny had balanced them out pretty well. They had a go-between whenever the argued about something, and Benny never seemed to get frustrated with their refusal to actively speak about what they were feeling. He would mediate their arguments and had managed to stop Dean from walking out or even hitting Sam a few times.

And after Dean had watched the way Benny took care of Sam and how Sam reciprocated that, he'd realized just how good the vampire and his brother were for each other. It had taken him awhile and he'd probably interfered more than he should have, but he'd realized it in the end.

Dean hadn't seen his little brother this happy in a very, very long time, and if Sam needed to keep a secret or two from him to stay this happy, then he would accept it. Sam wouldn't leave him. Sam needed Dean just as much as Dean needed Sam, and him shacking up with a vampire wasn't the same as Ruby. 

There were more important things than it just being the two of them. Benny was around for both of them, not just Sam. Both of the brothers leaned a bit on the vampire, and Benny was a good support.

Dean shook himself out of his thoughts and killed the lights. He dropped back on his bed and was soon out like a light.

//

They had managed to clear the house of all the death echoes except for a single stubborn one that was haunting the garage. Sam was all hurt up with blood seeping out of small cuts on his hands and face, and Benny was a step behind him the entire hunt, nostrils flaring whenever one of Sam's scabs opened up. Dean was yelling at the death echo when a sudden chill filled the garage and the three of them froze.

The garage door creaked open and a ghost appeared. Sam held in his gasp; who other than the actual murderer's ghost would show up now? Winchester luck had a way of never going well for them. He'd thought that the murderer had been put to rest but clearly not. Of course.

Sam waved for Dean to keep trying to shock the death echo into realizing it was a ghost and moving on, and turned around to deal with the murderer's ghost. He moved between Benny and the ghost, racking his brain trying to remember the murderer's name.

Benny murmured from behind him, "It's Sidney, right? Momma named you a girl name so you killed a bunch of girls that looked like her. You're a--"

Sidney screamed and Sam felt his ribs squeeze together. His nose began bleeding and his eyes darkened out.

Dean screamed his name and there was a distant roar. Sam's spine creaked and his bones rubbed together and he felt his entire body slam into something hard. Pain exploded along his skin like it was being peeled off, and for a moment, before Sam remembered the baby, he wondered if he was back with Lucifer.

The second before his mind fizzled out, Sam's entire world narrowed down to a single thought, a single feeling that was so deep and vast and pervasive that he felt like he would suffocate on it.

 _Baby_.


	3. Termination

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> my apologizes for this chapter taking so long to post. it took forever and a half to write and i kept having problems with getting it right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SPOILERS/////////////trigger warning: this chapter contains the abortion. it is described very briefly and is obviously inaccurate/unscientific. it is not very graphic by my standards. fair warning. i also dont remember if the bunker library has fireplaces but if it doesn't, pretend it does. lil bit of nsfw stuff at the end idk. dont get used to that  
> this is the most unbeta'd thing i've ever written. i haven't even looked it over i just wrote it and slammed it online, so forgive any mistakes. thanks 
> 
> //

Dean told him he was in a coma for two days, but it felt like he'd been trapped underneath ice for a month. Sam's lungs felt tight and small, like he couldn't get enough air in, and they told him that was because of the tube they'd stuck down his throat to help him breathe. His vision felt wavy and the skin between his legs felt loose and ached. He knew that he wouldn't actually give birth to the baby--he had to have a cesarean section--but his body still attempted to push the baby out through an exit that didn't exist. His breast tissue still ached and Sam was close to asking Benny to massage his chest for him.

The ghost echo had thrown him against the garage wall hard enough to send him into premature labor and the doctors had had one hell of a time stopping it. Sam wished they hadn't.

Dean had been the one to make the decision that they would do everything possible to keep the baby. He'd talked it over with Benny and they'd both come to the conclusion that it had to be Sam's decision to abort the fetus or not. Sam had gathered from both Benny and Dean telling him that it had really been Benny pushing towards letting Sam decide. Dean had been getting better on allowing Sam his own autonomy but Sam knew that he probably would've made a rash decision based on emotion instead of looking at the reality of the situation.

Sam wanted kids. He wanted to watch a little boy or girl grow up. He wanted to teach them how to walk, hear their first word, go through all the hard times and all the good. He wanted a kid with the same painful need that he felt towards Dean. Some days it felt that if he didn't have Dean, he wouldn't be able to do anything other than kill himself. Without Dean, Sam was half a person, if that. He was broken enough as it was; without his brother, he was shattered to pieces.

Sam could live without a lot of things, but he could not live without Dean. He'd built his sanity up around his big brother after Lucifer had haunted him after he'd broken his wall, and Sam knew that if that first stone fell, the whole new wall went with it.

He was starting to think Benny was part of that wall too. Benny kept him calm in a way Dean had never quite been able to.

No matter how much Sam wanted kids, he knew that the possibility of him actually having them was minimal. He was still infected. He could never strip his veins clean of the demon blood. He could never clean his soul of what had happened to him. He couldn't pass any of that onto a kid. No child deserved any of that.

Sam rubbed at his eyes and flicked through the pamphlets on the kitchen table. He was supposed to be on bed rest but Benny had promised him homemade tomato soup and grilled cheese if he wanted. He needed to take another week to recover from the induced coma and his concussion before he could have his pregnancy terminated, and wanted to take that time to really decide what he wanted.

Maybe, just maybe, Dean could help him choose. He'd been terrified that Dean would hate him for being pregnant, or call him a freak or demand he get rid of the baby because he wouldn't settle down, but other than Benny telling him about Dean exploding on the nurse about them having to give Sam emergency preventative measures to save his unborn baby, Dean had apparently come to terms with what was going on. Sam was sure that Dean would have a few words, since his brother always needed to make sure everyone was aware of his opinion, but Sam was going to do what he wanted to do, not what anyone else wanted him to do. He knew Benny would support him no matter what he did, but he was completely in the dark as to what Dean would do.

Benny tapped the table next to Sam's hand and once he moved out of the way, Benny set down a steaming bowl of soup and a plate piled high with grilled cheese. Sam smiled slightly and leaned into Benny's side when the vampire came to stand next to his chair.

"Sweetheart, you're supposed to be in bed."

Sam blushed and turned his head into Benny's hand when he ran his hand through Sam's hair. "I wanted to spend time with you. It feels like I haven't seen you in forever." He kept his voice quiet, not wanting Dean to overhear. Sam didn't like talking about how warped his perception of time was. He'd tried to talk about it to Dean when Lucifer had been at the corner of his vision for months, but Dean had shoved him off. There was a lot Dean didn't like talking about.

"Whatever you need."

Benny went to go get himself a bag of blood while Sam tried to swallow down half a grilled cheese. Instead, he found himself cupping his stomach and tracing the face of a smiling baby on the back of one of the pamphlets. He knew he couldn't have this kid now, that he should wait until he and Benny were more settled at the very least, but mother of god, he wanted this baby.

Sam took a deep breath and shook himself out of his thoughts. There wasn't a choice. He couldn't do this now. They weren't stable enough. He couldn't have a kid with someone he had been dating for all of six months. There wasn't any way around that for him; he couldn't put that on Benny, especially. The vampire had told him he wouldn't leave him but Sam didn't know that. There was no way to know for certain. Everyone Sam knew ended up hurting him and he could only trust that.

He started eating, tearing the grilled cheese into pieces and picking at the edges. Sam took a few sips of soup and looked up when Benny came back into the kitchen, winking at Sam before sitting down next to him and drinking the blood. 

"You need to talk about anythin', honey?"

Sam swallowed a bite and twisted both of his hands in his lap. "I--no. I don't--" he pushed his hands into his hair and shook his head. "I need to go to bed."

Benny waited until Sam was looking at him before putting his hand on Sam's forearm. "You want to wait up for me?"

He desperately wanted to curl up in Benny's arms and feel the vampire's fingers trace designs up and down his side, feel Benny hold him tightly enough that he didn't need a blanket for warmth, to easily be able to press his mouth to Benny's neck and breathe him in. "I--I'm just going to go to bed."

Benny just pressed a barely bloody kiss to Sam's neck before clearing the table and herding Sam out of the kitchen. "No worries, sweetheart. I'll be just a minute."

Sam nodded and went to Dean's room instead.

He knocked on the doorframe before easing the door open. Dean was relaxed back on his bed, glancing through a book with a title Sam couldn't make out. Dean's shoes were kicked off the end of the bed and Sam eyed his brother's socked feet for a minute. If he'd been feeling better and been about twenty years younger, he'd've pounced and tickled Dean until his brother arm-barred him and made him beg for mercy.

Dean glanced up at him and Sam blinked back his shock when Dean smiled slightly at him and put his book down. He had half expected Dean to shoo him out of the room or throw something at him. "You feelin' up to a talk, Sammy?"

"I'm supposed to be on bed rest," Sam said instead of replying, and tucked the ends of the sleeves of the borrowed henley he was wearing in his palms before crawling up the bed and curling up on the pillow next to Dean. Dean slept alone but always kept two pillows on his bed.

Dean slid down the bed a little and they both looked at his bare ceiling for a minute. Sam cracked a smile. "Thought you'd have a few posters of half-naked women up there or something," he remarked, and Dean elbowed him in the side with a snort.

"Good idea, twerp. I'll look into it."

Benny passed by and then backtracked to glance in on them. He gave Dean what Sam thought was supposed to be a significant look, winked at Sam, and then continued on to his and Sam's room.

"He was real worried about you, Sammy," Dean started, and then scratched at his jaw, clearing his throat. "So was I. Doc said he didn't know when you'd wake up. Said he didn't know if you'd--if you'd keep the--the baby."

Sam swallowed but didn't say anything.

"I don't know what I think about that, Sammy, I really don't. My baby brother getting knocked up by my best friend, who's a vampire at that...I don't know what I'm supposed to think about it."

"Dean..."

"Lemme get this out. I've been thinkin' on this lately and I should say it now before I get all clammed up again."

Sam turned on his side, cupping his stomach with his hand, and stared up at Dean's face as his brother grit out his confessions.

"I was gonna kill him. I was gonna gut him and hang him with his own intestines and use his own bones to cut off his damn head. Benny said he'd let me do it if you said it was alright. I damn near made him walk out. Threatened to open myself up until he couldn't control himself and he'd attack me so I'd have a real reason to kill him. I told him I'd burn him alive for ever touching you again."

Dean snorted and slowly extended his hand until it was resting on top of the one Sam had on his stomach. Sam moved his own hand so Dean was cradling his slightly swollen stomach. Dean inched down the bed so he wasn't twisting his arm as badly before he blinked a few times and continued.

"It took you nearly losing that kid for me to come to my senses. Well, dunno if I have yet. Maybe I never will. Can't believe my baby brother is pregnant and some creepy old blood-sucker was the one to stick it in him. The doc said that if they tried to save the kid, you could die. I was all for killin' the baby. I was about to kill it myself, Sammy. I'd happily claw anything out of you if it kept you safe.

"Benny told me you were gonna get rid of it anyway, but we couldn't let that happen at the expense of your life. He said we had to support whatever decision you made. I--I don't know if I want you to kill your kid, Sammy. I really don't. I don't think you should. But Benny made me see the light.

"We can't make you do anything, Sam. I was so damn scared to lose you, Sammy. I can't live without you. I can't and I won't. Just as long as you're alive, as long as you're healthy and happy and in charge of what's happening to you, that's good enough for me. You want to get rid of this kid? I'll--I'll be okay with that. I'll also be happy to be Uncle Dean to your little half vampire freak, too. I hope you know that, Sammy."

Sam swung his arm around Dean's neck and squeezed, pressing his teary eyes into Dean's chest. "I love you, big brother," he sobbed, and Dean tried to hug him back, chuckling awkwardly in the back of his throat. "Thank you."

"You too, Sammy."

They laid in each other's arms before Dean tensed up and scooted out from underneath Sam's arms. "That's enough chick-flick time for me. You stayin' here or going to yours?"

Sam stretched before sitting up and bumping his shoulder against Dean's. "Benny's gonna be waiting for me."

Dean groaned and undid his belt and jeans, pulling them off as he yanked off his socks. He glanced between his dirty socks and Sam for a second and then grabbed one and tackled Sam to the bed, rubbing his sock in Sam's face. Sam shrieked, wrestling Dean off and hitting him with a pillow. Dean ground the sock into Sam's hair and Sam managed to get it away from him, throwing the sock across the room and catching Dean off guard with a pillow across the face.

Sam twisted his hips and flipped them over so he was straddling Dean's hips and threateningly held the pillow up behind his shoulder. Dean grinned up at him and placatingly put his hands up. "I'll say uncle first," Dean smirked, and pushed Sam off him. Sam fell with a flump to the bed and giggled tiredly up at the ceiling.

Dean rolled his eyes and pushed at Sam's shoulder. "Go to bed, you dork. Pillow fights are for kids."

"You started it!"

"Excuses, excuses. You gonna watch me strip or go to bed?" Dean got out of bed and stood up next to it, tugging his shirt off.

Sam rolled his eyes and got out of Dean's bed to hipcheck his brother before walking out of his room. 

"Night, Sammy!" Dean called after him.

"Goodnight, jerk!" Sam yelled back, and waited until Dean called him a bitch before shutting the door to his and Benny's room. He grinned tiredly at Benny, who was lounging naked on their bed, and the vampire winked and whistled at him.

Sam was suddenly overcome with a need to see Benny holding a baby in his arms. He wanted to see Benny with their kid, see Benny coo to them when they woke up crying, wanted desperately to see--

Benny's voice knocked him out of his thoughts and Sam shoved them back with a hard swallow. He couldn't think like that. He couldn't stress what they had with a kid. He couldn't bring an innocent baby into this world. He couldn't taint a child with his blood, his history. He was better than that. He had to be.

"Hey, sweetheart, no harm meant. Come lay down. I'll put some shorts on."

Benny gently herded him to the bed and Sam caught his wrist. "You--you don't gotta. It wasn't that. Dean and I--we figured some stuff out, I guess. He's tough to understand."

Benny snorted. "Got that right, sugar. Now, let's get you in bed. You want to sleep in what you got on or you want to change?"

Sam pulled at the henley he was wearing, blinking at it through hazy eyes. Maybe he should've listened to the doctor and stayed in bed. It took him a minute or two to process that he wasn't wearing his own clothes. "These--these are your clothes."

Benny knelt down in front of him and cradled Sam's wide knees in his big hands. "You sleep better in my clothes," he grinned, and slipped one hand forward to slide it under the henley Sam had on. "You wanna sleep in this or want me to take it off?"

Sam smirked tiredly at him and bent nearly in half to press his forehead to Benny's forehead. "I love you," he whispered, and Benny pressed their mouths together. "He said--he said he was gonna kill you. Benny--Benny, I couldn't--I can't do this without you."

Benny gently moved Sam back and down until he was laying flat on the bed. He tugged the covers out from under him and wrapped Sam up in them, moving around the bed to slide in next to Sam. He helped Sam pull off his sweats and then wrapped him up in his arms.

"I wouldn't let him kill me. That boy would never get his hands on me, you know that. He may be Dean Winchester, but I'm a vampire and a sight faster an' older an' more experienced. You're never gonna go a day without me again, Sam. No matter what happens."

Sam nodded and pressed his widening belly to Benny's. It felt like an intrusion, like Sam had a parasite leaching his soul from him, like there another demon had possessed him and was living in a ball in his stomach. "Thank god."

He had to get rid of it. There wasn't any other choice.

//

Sam spent a week holed up in bed after the abortion. It hadn't been difficult. They'd cut a small slit in his stomach and probably just yanked out his baby and thrown it away.

He swallowed the pain pills Benny handed him and drained a whole glass of water, picking at the toast Benny was holding out for him, leaning on the vampire's side when he sat down next to him. Sam shook his head at himself. He'd been told the one time he asked that termination remains were treated as any other human remains and were handled by a company that incinerated everything. 

He'd been unconscious for the entire thing but Benny and Dean had both accompanied him and watched it. Sam had asked them not to but said that if they felt the need, then he was alright with it. Dean wouldn't tell him what had happened--his brother got grossed out at the strangest things, honestly--but he gave Sam a sad look whenever he thought Sam wasn't looking. Benny just tried to feed him more toast and pain pills and told him that he'd know when he was ready.

Since the surgeons had cut through his stomach muscles and all, Sam had needed to stay on bed rest for at least a week, which was good since he didn't feel like getting out of bed in the slightest. It was work to even make it to the bathroom or curl up in Benny's arms when the vampire joined him. Sometimes Dean even slipped under the covers next to him and would let Sam cuddle up next to him while he paged through his mysterious book.

It was the eighth day that Sam finally dragged himself out of bed and to the library. He tugged a Stephen King novel off a shelf and curled up on a couch in front of a fireplace. Sam woke up a few hours later to Benny placing a blanket over him and tugging away his book.

Benny snorted and dropped the book to the floor. "' _Salem's Lot_? Really? You don't get enough of this ole vampire every day so you gotta go into books for more?"

Sam smiled tiredly up at him and lifted his head so Benny could sit down and he could rest his head on Benny's lap. "Never enough of you, Benny," he slurred tiredly, and burrowed into Benny's embrace.

Sam dozed in and out before finally waking up enough to not feel like he had spiderwebs in his eyes. Benny tapped him three times on the shoulder and looked down at him.

"I don't regret it."

In fact, it felt like a massive weight had been lifted off Sam's shoulders. Knowing that baby was out of him felt like he could finally breathe again. His emotions had felt a bit up and down since the abortion but everything else inside him felt calm. Even the raging chaos of the insanity Cas had taken from him that constantly lurked in the back of his head felt softer and more soothed. Everything was better without that parasite stealing away his being.

Benny shook his head and brushed away Sam's hair. "I didn't expect you to, sweetheart."

Sam heard what he didn't say and briefly debated against calling him out on it, but decided to do it anyway. "You regret it, though? Benny, you need to--"

"Sam, no!" Benny looked actually surprised Sam would think that of him. "Never! I'm never gonna be mad or disappointed or nothin' at anythin' you decide to do with your own self. We can do this again in a couple years. No harm done, honey."

Sam smiled and rolled over, his back to the fire. He slipped his hand up Benny's shirt and watched Benny's dark eyes go even darker. Benny shifted in his seat and brought up his hand to cup the back of Sam's head.

Sam shook the blanket off him and slid off the couch, getting to his knees and feeling Benny bracket his hips with his legs. Benny lifted up his hips a bit so Sam could pull his pants down his thighs. Sam traced his fingers up and down Benny's soft length.

"I'm feeling a lot better, Benny," he breathed, and watched as Benny's dick twitched in his hand. "Feelin' good enough to try and make another--"

"You're gonna be the death of me," Benny growled, and keeping his grasp and hands soft, yanked Sam up for a kiss. "Sweetheart, I'm gonna spread you out all over this couch and bite your ass until you're bruised and lick your hole until you're gaping for me and I'm gonna--fuck--I'm gonna slide my fat dic--"

"Oh come on!" Dean squawked as he walked up on them, shielding his eyes. "Put some damn clothes on! Gonna be fuckin' scarred for life!"

Benny immediately went soft and Sam burst into laughter as he broke away from Benny's mouth. "Did you want something, Dean?"

"Yeah, not to see my brother about to get pounded by--put it away, Benny!"

Benny leaned back against the couch and smirked up at Dean. "Stop lookin' then, brother."

Sam giggled as he tucked Benny back inside his pants and leaned on Benny's thigh as he looked up at Dean. "Is dinner ready? I'm hungry."

Both Benny and Dean swung their heads around to stare at him. It took a moment for Dean to crack a grin. "Maybe gettin' rid of that baby was the right thing, Sammy. You haven't told me you were hungry in, hell, years, probably. Get yer ass in the kitchen." He swung his head around to glare at Benny. "His ass better be clothed and untouched. Don't want him squirming at the dinner table like he used to do when he was 17 and had that big boyfriend."

Sam jumped to his feet, wincing as he pulled his stitches. Benny stretched and got to his feet next to him, one hand automatically going to the small of Sam's back. "You knew about him? I was so careful--"

Dean led them out of the library, a grin in his voice. "Sammy, you were never good at hiding anything from me. You spent too much time at the gym hanging around those big gymrats for me not to know something was up, and I've uh...pounded a couple girls to make them sit the way you did." He winked at Sam over his shoulder as Sam froze in disgust.

"Dean! I didn't--what the hell! Don't tell me crap like that!" Sam elbowed Benny in the side as the vampire pulled a chair out for him and he sat heavily down at the kitchen table. "I'm gonna have that image burned into the back of my eyes for the rest of my life."

Benny grinned and took the cup of blood Dean offered him, sitting next to Sam at the kitchen table and eyeing the burger Dean dropped in front of Sam. "There's a lotta things I never thought about you, brother, and that's just about all of them."

Dean brought up his own plate of food and sat across from the couple, nodding at the burger in front of Sam. He waited until Sam took a bite before taking one. "Did I ever tell you about the girl I used a dildo on? She was so desperate--"

"Dean!" Sam squawked, shaking his head. "No more sex stuff! We'll never do anything in the library again. I swear."

Dean grinned around his mouthful of burger. "As long as you two learned your lesson, then."

Benny relaxed back in his chair and looked between the brothers, pressing his bare foot to Sam's socked one. He was surprised to see the almost visible weight that had been taken off Sam's shoulders after having the abortion. Sam looked brighter and almost more visible in the world. He seemed a lot more present. Even with the week Sam had spent out of sorts and in bed, not that Benny could blame him, Sam had been more chipper than he had ever been since finding out about his pregnancy.

Benny took a deep breath. Both he and Sam wanted a kid, he knew that from the bottom of his heart. He knew Dean wanted to be an uncle. He wanted to see Sam with a baby in his arms and he wanted to wake up in the middle of the night and know that it was his baby screaming for him. He wanted every bad and good thing that came with having a kid, and he had never wanted it more than he wanted it with Sam. But it wasn't the right time, and Benny knew that. The abortion had been the right call, for all of them.

Benny reached out and rested his hand on Sam's thigh. He squeezed it gently three times when Sam looked at him. He'd never thought he'd love a human like this, not again, but Sam continued to defy all and every expectation. Benny would be happy to spend the rest of Sam's life figuring out what other things Sam could defy, just as long as Sam was happy, with him and with his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to continue this.......but I kind of feel like this is a natural end to this story. so the next installment will be a sequel. right on!

**Author's Note:**

> title taken from my fav song 'this night' by black lab
> 
> will be crossposted to my tumblr // deluxemycroft.tumblr.com


End file.
